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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in cruelhaven's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 19th, 2013
10:10 am
I want to start using this account again.
I was in the car by myself this morning, listening to the radio. Macklemore's Same Love came on and I nearly started crying. I was going to call the radio station to thank them for playing it but between having that thought and actually doing so my coworkers arrived and I'd really rather not make that call with them around to overhear.

I'd like to write a letter to Macklemore that he himself would read. I imagine that he gets hundreds of letters a day so the odds of him reading it seem mighty slim to me. I'm also not entirely sure what I want to say... I love your work, your support of independent artists, and what I hear in your music, a plea for equality and disdain for those who drink the mass-marketing kool-aid and want to look and think exactly like their peers. I also want to wish him well in his personal life -- congratulate him on becoming engaged, say that I admire him for checking himself into rehab just a few days after he relapsed and for being open about it, and that I really hope he can keep fame and financial wealth from changing his core beliefs. I really don't want to see him follow the path of Christopher Meloni -- having enormous talent tainted by the belief that he somehow he deserves every penny he is paid and that anyone who complains about inequity in this country is a hater and deserving of his scorn.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010
10:34 am
Life spinning out of control
Our godson's parents are in deep trouble, with both the IRS and their mortgage. They have no money, and no assets other than their aged cars. For the past three years they have been surviving on loans from the company the husband works for. Loans, not paychecks.

When the child was born, my spouse and I agreed to take the child on should anything happen to his parents. Well, nothing has happened yet, but yesterday we had a conversation with his mother and if they are imprisoned, we're going to have to step up to the plate. The concept scares me silly. Our home looks like something out of an episode of Hoarders, and there's barely room for the two of us. Hell, when one of is walking though the kitchen and sees a cat coming the other way, the cats have learned to back up.

I know I should spend my evenings cleaning, but for the past week I've not had the energy. I'm tired when I get home from work. I feel rather like I'm in a deep depressive episode only I don't feel particularly sad. I have no energy, don't enjoy anything, and don't know what do for myself. I'm already on anti-depressants, so that isn't an option.

It's also occurred to me that even if we got rid of the clutter, I still don't know where we'd put our godson. Right now we have a two-bedroom house, one being our room, the other being my home office -- and the barrister bookcases in there won't fit in any other room. Maybe we'd have to go to the credit union and see about getting a huge loan and doing an addition. Not that that would be a fast solution -- construction takes time.
Sunday, April 4th, 2010
11:02 pm
Rough Yesterday, continued
I'm finally back from Easter dinner. Which was very nice, thank you.

So about yesterday.

What the drunken husband meant was that in his opinion, you can call yourself whatever you want but that's meaningless. To him, the sign of a being a real dom/master is having a submissive come up and beg you to accept him/her as your sub/slave.

Unfortunately, the way he said this Terry, accompanied by the slaps, implied that he felt Terry wasn't a real Sadist and that he (the drunken husband) was the bigger, tougher, more masterful guy of the two of them. Physically, Terry's the bigger guy. Strength wise, I think the husband is stronger than he looks but I wasn't convinced he could take Terry in a fair fight. And I wasn't sure Terry would fight fair; from talking with him I got the very strong impression he is not only a sadist, but doesn't concern himself with the "safe, sane, and consentual" rule I was introduced to when I got interested in the scene (and that I took to heart).

Well, to wrap up this story, after I talked to him and Terry had sucked down three cigarettes, he went back into my friend's house, apologized for the misunderstanding and said he really wanted to understand what the husband meant. The husband rephrased what he meant, then they cemented their renewed friendship with another shot of Jack Daniels. (*sigh*)

At this point, the spouse and I said our goodbyes and went home.
3:00 pm
Rough yesterday
Yesterday we went to a party at a friend's house. Said friend has a husband who is an alcoholic and quite possibly bi-polar. They've been married for just about one year, although that is irrelevant to the rest of this.

At the party were a few people I didn't recognise, including one named Terry. He too, I think, is an alcoholic.

The party was good and I enjoyed listening to people talk while I worked on my knitting. Near the end (the hostess had somewhere else to be that evening and the party was scheduled to end at 8 p.m.), the alcoholic husband and Terry got loud and the husband began to, as Terry but it later, bitch slap him. The husband told Terry to leave his house, which Terry did, much to relief of everyone who observed the altercation. From my perspective, the worst part was that my friend got hit while trying to stop the other two drunken fools from getting into a serious fight.

I went outside with Terry to try to calm things down and talk to him. I'd actually enjoyed the conversation we'd had earlier in the day and wanted him to know that.

Now the argument or whatever had to do with S&M and or D/s, with the husband going on about how talk about being a Dom or a Master is all a bunch of shit and I don't think he was really listening to what Terry had to say. I also think (now) that Terry took what he was saying wrong (I know I hadn't heard everything but from the little I had, I took a different meaning from what the husband meant).

Ah crap. I've got to leave the house for Easter dinner now. More later.
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
12:40 pm
Blake Harper
Blake Harper is still #1 on my list of actors I'd like to meet in RL AND would quite likely proposition. Even with me being the fat bitch I am and knowing he's gay.
Monday, July 10th, 2006
4:07 pm
Blake Harper, I love you
Let me be clear, I don't actually know Blake. I have seen him in a handful of films, including his mate's autobiographical one. My impression from those films are (1) he has the most beautiful male body I have ever laid my eyes upon, (2) he's a very sweet guy, and (3) he has mixed feelings about his past in porn.

If I were Blake, I'd have mixed feelings too. It must be a drag to meet guys who think that because they saw you in a movie they have the right to touch you however they want. Or to go out and, because you're friendly and polite, get stuck talking to some guy who simply won't shut up about porn and the movies he seen you in.

Then there's the guy on the Blake Harper mailing list who asserted "We need to stand together and stand strong while Blake is still in denial about his ultimate destiny as a Porn God!!" Is Blake a Porn God? I think so. But I also think the God in the title means he can be whatever he wants to be, and if that wanting includes retiring from porn, well, that's his prerogative.

Being one of Blake's fans doesn't give us the right to tell him what to do. And I'll admit that being his fan makes me want to know what he's doing and to know if he's happy. And I do want to see more of him. Not necessarily with his clothes off (although I'm all for it if that's what he wants), but just to see him because I care about him. He made the transition from being a two dimensional image on the screen to a person that I genuinely care about.
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
8:32 pm
Cruelhaven Skinner/Krycek Slash Awards
To express my appreciation for the many talented authors who write Skinner/Krycek slash, I decided to run a little contest and award prizes to the best of the best.

Results are now on the web at cruelhaven.org.

Current Mood: pleased
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
7:57 pm
What to do?
What do you do when you send feedback to an author and it comes back as undeliverable?
Inquiring minds want to know.

Current Mood: optimistic
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
11:31 pm
You are an Old Soul!
You are an old soul writer--neither a pantser (who
writes by the seat of her pants) nor a plotter
(who plots out a book before writing it).
You're a person who values serendipity and
spontaneity, but also realizes the benefit of
having an idea where a story is going before
you write it. You may make up an outline or
have a plan for a book, and write something
totally different, but that's OK. You're not
comfortable writing without having at least
some idea of where the story is going, but you
also like the freedom to change the story from
what you originally planned. You're a born
writer who realizes the value of serendipity.

What Kind of a Writer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
3:24 pm
Who, me?
You scored as Severus Snape. Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certaintly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.


Severus Snape


Remus Lupin


Ron Weasley


Sirius Black


Harry Potter


Hermione Granger


Albus Dumbledore


Draco Malfoy


Lord Voldemort


Peter Pettigrew


Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
1:46 pm
Why am I not surprised....

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